Ashes in the Wind
by Tsukinori Kaze
Summary: Hikaru and Akira have always circled each other, like two planets trapped in orbit. The lines of their relationship have always been clear. But now, with the Go world evolving and life speeding up around them, their orbit has been thrown into disarray. A new rival and new challenges will change everything. But will it push the two of them together...or tear them apart? Hikaru/Akira
1. Prelude: A Whole New World

**Author's Note:** Hello, there readers! Welcome to _Ashes in the Wind_. This is my first Hikaru No Go story, though I've had all the ideas for one for a few years now. I do suppose this is long overdue. I've written three other stories for PoT, they're on my profile if anyone is interested. I've been told they're pretty good. Anyway…enjoy, enjoy! And review! Without further delay…

Chapter 1: _A Whole New World_

It had never been easy. For Hikaru, adjusting to life without Sai was like adjusting to breathing without oxygen. But somehow, he had done it. Well…

"Oi, Shindou," Akira snapped at him from across the goban, "Are you planning on moving or not?"

Hikaru shook his head rapidly. Well, it was a work in progress. The near daily matches with Touya, as much as he hated to admit, were pretty much all that kept him sane.

When Hikaru was playing Touya, he somehow felt closer to Sai than anything else. Because Sai had discovered Akria's Go…Sai had inspired Akira to grow, to challenge himself and climb ever higher. Sai had given Akira something to chase. Sai would have wanted this…but Sai wasn't here.

There was only Hikaru. A poor substitute. Even though Akira had finally stopped chasing Sai's ever-elusive shadow and acknowledged Hikaru's strength, it still wasn't the same. The two boys had each other to measure themselves against now but…

It could never be the same.

"Shindou?" Akira was clearly nearing the end of his patience. The normally poised, collected Go prodigy was tapping his foot in irritation.

Hikaru blinked. He still hadn't moved.

"Sorry, Touya." He said, lacking all of his usual spunk. He cringed at how defeated his voice sounded. He studied the collections of stones on the board for a brief moment before placing one.

Touya looked up at him in sheer disbelief. His sharp, crystal blue-green gaze was cold.

"Stop kidding around!" He shouted, standing in one fluid motion. His neatly manicured tresses seemed to stand on end in anger.

The other patrons of the Go salon sighed and mumbled amongst themselves. They'd gotten used to the Shindou vs. Touya debates over the past year or so. They'd pretty much learned to expect it. Nearly every game ended with yelling, insults and finally, Hikaru storming out in a huff only to return the next day.

"I'm not kidding around!" Hikaru shouted back but his voice lacked any real conviction. Truthfully, he hadn't even looked at where he was placing the stones. He had lost all real interest in this game several minutes ago.

"That move was terrible! You just lost an entire group of stones!"

Hikaru, for the first time, actually looked carefully at the placement of his stones. "Horrid" was actually a mild word for his last couple of moves. He'd practically handed two sects of territory over to Akira on a silver platter.

_You're right. _

But of course, he was far too proud to say that. He stood up also; forcing his face to take on a look that he hoped was indignation.

"Yeah right, Touya! You just don't understand my strategy!"

"Strategy? That's not strategy, that's pathetic!"

_Yes. I am pathetic. _

"If you're going to insult me like this, I can just leave!"

"If you're going to play like that, I don't know why you came in the first place!"

Hikaru bit his lip and looked away.

_Ouch. _

When had Akira's taunts actually started getting to him? Probably when the green haired boy had started being exactly right.

Hikaru knew he deserved every bit of this lecture. And in that moment, he lost his will to fight back.

"I'm going home." He mumbled, catching the look of shock on Akira's face as he turned away.

"Oi, Shindou-,"

Hikaru didn't answer. He just kept walking. He was seventeen years old. He couldn't just start crying in public…he couldn't. Ichikawa-san handed him his bag without even looking up from her magazine.

Hikaru was grateful for that. Had she looked up, she would've seen the stricken look in his olive green eyes.

He managed to make it onto the train before the tears pushed their way out from between his tightly closed eyelids. No one noticed him in the late afternoon traffic, everyone was too busy absorbed in their own worlds.

There was a woman bouncing a clearly disgruntled toddler on her knee.

There was a man annoying everyone around him with a cell phone conversation.

There was an old man carrying grocery bags.

And there was a 17 year old boy with his face buried in his trademark orange sweatshirt, biting a hole through his lips to stifle the sobs that were wracking his frame.

_Damn it. _

_Why now, of all times? With a tournament starting next week…I can't afford…to break down now. _

_This is my last chance…to enter the Hokuto Cup again before Yongha is too old…this time...this time…I have to beat him…_

_For Sai. _

"A Whole New World."

That was the headline of the article in Japan's largest Go publication. Touya. Shindou. A new wave of young pros breathing new life into what some had once seen as a dying game.

Akira grimaced as he saw his picture splashed across the page. He always looked so stiff in pictures. He placed the magazine on his bedside table.

It was pointless. He couldn't sleep. He'd tried reading, playing Go, listening to classical music…nothing had worked.

His parents were in China. There was no one to talk to, nothing to break up the agonizing silence in the large house.

Maybe…just maybe he'd been too hard on Shindou earlier. Granted, the other boy had played badly…very, very badly…with total disregard for the sanctity of Go…but still.

It was evident that he was under stress…even Akira, who had been playing competitively since he could walk, was feeling the strain. He'd been tutoring students (at his father's insistence) for the upcoming Pro exam, as well as playing matches nearly every other day and studying kifu in his free time. When he wasn't doing that, he was playing Shindou. He couldn't afford to get complacent, despite the magazine's praises.

It was only going to get harder.

The Hokuto Cup qualifying matches were not going to be easy this year. Realistically, both he and Shindou would qualify but there was no doubt that there was going to be an all out battle for the third spot between Yashiro, Oichi and Waya. From what Shindou had been saying, the spiky haired upstart had grown a lot in the past year. And Oichi, in his relentless desire to replace Shindou as Akira's rival, would no doubt have grown as well.

Shindou had managed to progress to 3-dan, while Akira was a 5-dan. Despite their difference in ranking, everyone in the Go world had come to acknowledge them as the two strongest players among the youth. To be honest, Akira was more at the level of a 7-dan, while Shindou was a strong 6-dan. Sometimes, rank could be deceiving. It was unwise to go into a match with assumptions based on things like that.

Climbing up the ranks took time. It didn't matter how skilled one was- no one could become a 9-dan in a day.

Too many people had underestimated Shindou and been crushed. Akira included…all those years ago.

Touya felt his thoughts wavering, as they so often did, to the enigma that was Shindou Hikaru.

To the day they'd met…that round faced, seemingly clueless little boy who'd wondered into the Go salon.

The way he'd held the stones…indicating inexperience…and yet…the overwhelming strength lurking behind those innocent eyes.

Hikaru…who had inexplicably gone from insanely strong to pitifully weak…and then back to strong. Hikaru's pace truly was incredible…he'd only been playing for a few years and he was nearly as good as Akira, who had been taught by Japan's strongest player since he was a mere toddler.

It was obvious that Hikaru possessed a truly staggering amount of natural talent. Still…it didn't explain the shadow. That other person that existed inside Hikaru's Go. No matter how hard he wracked his brains, Akira could come up with no reasonable explanation.

Still…Hikaru had promised to tell him one day.

And until that day came, Akira knew he'd have extreme difficulty finding sleep.

Hikaru consumed him. He'd always had and probably always would.

Akira was so tired at that point, he failed to notice that the word "Go" had been nowhere in that last thought.

It had been three days.

That was the longest Hikaru had ever gone without showing up at the Go salon after school. Akira had double checked- Hikaru had showed up for his match that morning. He'd won by a strong margin. But still…Akira hadn't heard from his rival at all. Not so much as a courtesy email.

He hadn't responded to Akira's text messages, either.

Now it was starting to get annoying. Akira stared at the empty seat across from him, folding his hands neatly in his lap to disguise his immense displeasure.

It looked like he might have no choice but to actually…apologize…to Shindou.

But…he hadn't said anything unusual. The two boys had exchanged scathing barbs that would make a hardened sailor blush every day for months now. And it was normally Shindou who started it. Based on that, it seemed truly unlikely that their recent argument would leave any lasting effect.

But…if Shindou's feelings really were hurt…

"Akira-kun?"

Akira looked up from his lap to find Ichikawa-san standing there, offering him a cup of tea.

"Ah…thank you but...I have to go. I'm sorry."

The docile brown haired woman frowned.

"Has Shindou-kun still not come back?"

Akira shook his head, neatly cut bangs blocking his eyes from view.

"Gomen…I'm going."

"Ah…Akira-kun!"

Ichikawa stared at Akira's retreating form as he all but bolted out the door. Geez…he hadn't even cleared his stones.

It was always like this with the two of them. They were always chasing after each other, always arguing, always fighting and yet….always lifting each other up.

She had given up on trying to understand it.

They probably didn't even understand it themselves.

Well, as long as the two of them came back tomorrow smiling…

That was all that mattered to her.


	2. Speak

**Author's Note:** Dear readers: I'm sorry if you had any complaints about the length of the last chapter. My right arm/most of my fingers is/are broken so it's kind of a pain to type with one hand but I wanted to get this next chapter out. Hopefully it will be better. And a general note: my writing style is to start out with shorter chapters and then build up to longer chapters as the plot thickens. So don't worry, I promise things will get really interesting. Wouldn't want to give it all away too soon! So please enjoy and review. Also, reviewers if I could have some advice: the breaks I put in almost never show up when I post the new chapters. I keep getting requests to put breaks and trust me, I've been trying to since day one. I use lines, dashes, symbols you name it. Anyone have any advice? But read first! Thank you all.

Chapter Two:_ Speak _

_Speak the words upon your heart_

_Or spend eternity biting your tongue_

Akira hated the trains this time of day. They were always crowded and now that summer was approaching, the idea of being pressed against dozens of other sweaty bodies was less than appealing. He hated crowds almost as much as he hated heat. He much preferred winter weather. In summer, there was simply too much exposed skin and other indecencies of that sort. And for some inexplicable reason, the heat made people want to touch each other. And Akira hated being touched. Well, for that most part. There was one notable exception.

Shindou Hikaru.

Not that the two boys made a habit of touching each other. But on occasion, Shindou would sling an arm loosely around Akira's shoulders and make some lewd comment. Akira would feel the color rising in his cheeks and pass it off as irritation. In reality, he was blushing because something about the way Shindou smelled like dumplings and old kifu made the hair on the back of his neck stand up.

But still, Akira pretended not to like it. When Shindou leaned over in the midst of some mind numbingly boring event to whisper a dirty joke in Akira's ear, he pulled away. When Shindou offered up a goofy high five, Akira rolled his eyes and said "Grow up."

And most importantly, when his rival smiled that childish, idiotic, immodest, stunningly beautiful smile at him, Akira had to always, always remind himself that Shindou's mouth was not for kissing.

It was for shoveling down vile amounts of processed saturated fat. It was for arguing and screaming and whining. It was for complaining about the early morning matches and yawning in the middle of study sessions. It was for being rude, tactless, obnoxious and immature.

But it was most definitely not for kissing. His male rival's mouth was certainly not for intimate acts of that sort.

Really, even the thought was highly inappropriate. Akira blamed Shindou, both for having an irresistibly adorable smile and for generally being a terrible influence.

Akira ran a hand through his tresses, smoothing them down in an attempt to look less panicky and frantic than he felt.

When the train finally slowed to a halt at his stop, Akira attempted to muster an air of calm dignity.

By the time he'd completed the few blocks to Shindou's house, it had almost completely evaporated.

Akira had been to Shindou's house one or twice but still, he was struck by how normal looking it was. And Shindou's parents were perfectly normal as well: a demure, dutiful housewife and a somber, hard working father.

So how the hell did they end up with an outspoken, tradition flaunting son with a two toned head of hair?

Shindou's mother came to the door immediately, looking pleasantly surprised to see him.

"Ah, Touya-kun. Please come in."

"Thank you very much."

"I'm so sorry about this…if Hikaru had told me you were coming, I would have had some snacks ready."

Akira felt a flush rising to his cheeks.

"No, please don't trouble yourself. It's my fault for dropping by unexpectedly like this."

"You're always welcome, Touya-kun. You've been such a good influence on Hikaru. He's in his room, please go on up. I'll bring you two some tea."

Akira thanked her and excused himself, feeling all the more guilty for his previous inappropriate thoughts.

He highly doubted Shindou's mother would think him such a good influence she knew what kind of thoughts flitted across his mind night with his teeth clamped around a pillow.

Akira paused outside of Shindou's closed door, wondering if he should knock. After all, it wasn't his house. Years of deeply ingrained politeness told him that it was incredibly discourteous to simply barge in on his rival. But this was Shindou. If they could call each other things like "an uptight ice queen with a stick up the bung hole" (one gem that Shindou was particularly proud of), they could dispense with a courtesy such as knocking.

Right?

If you surveyed all the people who were remotely important in Hikaru's life and told them to describe him in three words, "neat" would not have been one of them. In fact, if you gave them a hundred words "neat" would still not be one of them.

Granted, today it was worse than usual. Half completed homework and unread game records were strewed all over the desk. The bed, while never really made, looked as it if a wild animal had engaged in a fight with it. Tissues littered the floor and the curtains, drawn tightly shut, were emitting a musty aura. Hikaru's clothes were piled around the room in sweaty, stinking heaps.

It was not his finest moment.

Even his goban had a thin layer of dust on it.

Hikaru's only comfort, as he eyed the collection of empty ramen cups and chip bags at the foot of his bed, was that there was no one there to see this.

And so, when a familiar voice said his name in a hesitant, clearly anxious manner, Hikaru nearly jumped out of his skin.

"T-Touya?! What the hell are you doing here?"

Touya bit his lip and averted his gaze. Shindou couldn't help but note that his rival was wearing a plaid sweater…in purple. Or as Touya would say "It's not purple, it's mauve."

Granted, the sweater was old fashioned and beckoned images of senior citizens and prune juice. But the color…Shindou had to admit that the color brought out the delicate porcelain of Touya's skin. It actually looked rather nice.

But still, what the hell was Touya, nice looking or not, doing in his freaking bedroom?

"That wasn't a rhetorical question."

Touya flushed a bit, puffing out his chest like a peacock.

"You haven't come to the Go Salon."

Shindou snorted. Leave it to Touya to veil his true meaning with pleasantries and discretion. Luckily, after all of these years, Shindou had managed to decipher 'Touya code.'

_Translation: Where the fuck have you been?_

"I've been busy."

Touya's astute gaze scanned the filthy room and he raised one delicate brow.

"I can see that."

Now it was Shindou's turn to flush.

"Well, nobody asked you to come over in the first damn place. What do you want, anyway?"

Touya's flushed deepened but he held firm. He took a tentative step forward but his expression was determined. After all, Touya Akira was a champion. He didn't back down from a fight-especially not with Shindou.

"You ignored all of my messages. I was worried about you."

"Mind your own business."

"You can't expect people not to express concern when you exhibit such haphazard behavior."

_Translation: You are my business. _

Shindou thought about countering but decided against it. He wasn't actually mad at Touya. He'd never been mad.

The real reason he'd stayed locked away in squalor for the better part of a week was because he was exhausted. He couldn't explain it. He simply didn't want to do anything. He went to his matches, if only because of his sacred promise to keep Sai alive through his Go. But everything else, he'd simply given up on.

Including Touya. Truthfully, Shindou's phone had been dead for days because he'd been too damn lazy to fish it out of his backpack and plug it in. He hadn't noticed any messages from Touya or anyone else.

He was just tired. So unbelievably tired. He sighed and turned away. Apparently, Touya mistook his resignation for anger because the prodigy made a soft choking sound.

"Shindou," he blurted out, taking a step towards Hikaru, "I-I'm sorry! For what I said…you aren't pathetic. I'm sorry. I was wrong."

Hikaru turned back around to face Touya, eyes widened with surprise.

"Huh?"

"I'm sorry about before." Touya repeated, skin resembling the color of a fresh tomato. But neither his voice nor gaze wavered. "That is what I came to say. I'm sorry. So…so please come back to the Go salon and play me some more."

_Translation: Please keep being my friend. _

For a split second, Hikaru thought about telling him everything. The truth, the crazy, insane truth that he had never told anyone. About Sai. About their first two matches. About the real reason he'd skipped all of those matches. About how sometimes, he'd wake up in the middle of the night with tears trickling freely down his face. About how he'd strongly considered taking his own life so he could be a ghost too.

But he couldn't. Not yet.

Not yet.

"We're still friends, Touya. I'm not mad. Do you want to stay for dinner?"

It took Touya's brain a moment to process the sudden shift of momentum. He blinked.

"Can we play Go?"

Hikaru laughed and rolled his eyes. Touya pretended to look offended.

But both boys were smiling.

"Of course, idiot. Of course we'll play Go."

And play they did, just as soon as Touya finished cleaning Hikaru's room. Touya was just as efficient off the Go board as he was on it. No wasted movements. But the neat freak couldn't bear to sit- never mind play- in such a messy environment. He set to work tossing clothes into the laundry bin, making the bed, throwing trash away and just generally making the room less gross.

Hikaru turned on the lights, wincing as his eyes adjusted to the semi-foreign sensation. In broad daylight, the place looked even worse. He offered to help Touya clean but was brushed off with a soft clucking sound.

"Shindou, don't just stand there. Find me some lemon Pledge."

After several hours of joking, foul language (mostly on Shindou's part, of course), eating and Go, Touya excused himself.

Shindou walked him to the front door.

"You taking the train home?"

"It's late. I'll probably take a taxi."

Shindou couldn't resist throwing in one last semi-good natured barb.

"You have to be careful, Touya. Some pervert might mistake you for a girl and try to have his way with you."

Touya flushed bright scarlet and turned his eyes away, as he so often did when he was embarrassed. Frankly, Hikaru found it immensely satisfying to knock cool, collected Touya off balance.

"No one would do that."

Shindou laughed.

"Oh, yes they would. Trust me."

Touya's gaze grew strangely bright and he pinned Hikaru down with a brilliant crystal stare.

"You think so?"

Now it was Shindou's turn to be caught off guard.

"Well…of course. You do kind of look like a chick, Touya, in the right lighting."

If he didn't know better, Hikaru would've thought he saw a small frown knit between Touya's brow but it was gone before he could confirm it.

"I have to go." Touya said, regaining his usual composure, "I'll see you tomorrow at the matches, we're scheduled at the same time again. It's the first day of the pro-exam, too. Some of your Insei friends are taking it, right?"

"Yeah, they are. Hopefully it will work out for everyone. See you later, Touya."

"Later, Shindou."

Akira noticed two things the next morning.

The first was that it was unusually loud. Akira noticed this immediately because he specifically disliked noise. Especially when he was trying to clear his mind for a match against the great Ogata, who had successfully managed to take the Kisei title last year. Granted, he had to play several more small fish before he could get to the big one. But Akira never really worried about the small fish. They were a hundred years too early to challenge him, especially when he was battling for a title.

The second was that it was unusually crowded in the building. He had literally never seen this many people packed in the Go institute and certainly not at this hour. They appeared to be waiting for something. Akira recognized a few of them from local Go magazines.

He knew the pro-exams were beginning today but that didn't account for why there was literally no standing room in the hallways. He'd had to push past seven people just to get his morning coffee.

He shut the players' longue door behind him with unnecessary force. What the hell were all these people doing here two hours before the first match?

"Ah, Touya-kun. You're early."

Akira turned around to find Isumi seated at the small table with a cup of coffee. Apparently Touya wasn't the only one who liked to be early.

"Good morning, Isumi-san."

Over the past year, Akira had actually grown rather fond of Isumi. The older boy was well mannered, well groomed, polite and serious. Akira had a difficult time understanding why someone so level headed could be best friends with Shindou and Waya, two people with about as much class as a back alley prostitute.

Then again…he wasn't really in a position to talk.

Akira poured himself a cup of coffee and took a seat across from Isumi.

"Isumi-san, do you know why all of these people are here?"

As if on cue, Akira heard a series of loud shouts from outside the door. He resisted the urge to shout back.

Isumi shook his head.

"Honestly, I was hoping you'd know. But from what I can tell, those people are all reporters. I recognize some of them but not the majority. I guess they're waiting for someone to show up. Maybe a press conference?"

"But why so early? There isn't anyone here at this hour."

Isumi shrugged his shoulders.

"The pro-exam started an hour ago. It was all I could think of. Though I have no idea why all of these reporters would take an interest in Insei…a few, sure but not on the first day of the exam. It doesn't make sense."

Akira frowned. He'd been tutoring a few Insei…frankly, none of them were particularly special. This year's group was strong, yes but not nearly as strong as in years past. It couldn't be that.

Besides, even when Akira had taken the pro-exam, only a few reporters had come. And they'd waited for him upstairs in the interview room like sane human beings.

These people seemed totally unaware of Go world etiquette. It was unheard of to crowd the hallways and stress out players on match days.

"Maybe. But you're right, it doesn't really make sense. Maybe a foreign pro is coming? I can't think of anyone else that could generate this much media interest. There are some Korean pros who are quite famous in their country."

"I haven't heard anything like that."

The door creaked open. Akira had a curse word ready on his tongue but immediately relaxed when he saw who it was.

"Shindou."

Shindou smiled in greeting.

"What are you doing here so early?" Isumi inquired, clearly amused.

Isumi said what Akira had been thinking. It wasn't like Hikaru to wake up on time. The two-tone headed boy normally stumbled in five minutes before the match, in messy clothes but with a die-hard look of determination on his face. Also, for quite some time now, Hikaru could always be seen clutching that fan.

"My dad offered to give me a ride but he had to leave early, so here I am."

Shindou sank into a chair beside Touya.

"What the hell is with all the people? They're crowded around the game room like Jesus is going to be born."

Isumi let out a strained giggle. Touya tried to muster a disapproving look.

"That's not funny. You can't let reporters hear you say things like that."

Shindou rolled his eyes.

"Touya, please. It's too early in the morning to be such a tight wad. Did you jack off with icy hot last night or something?"

Akira felt the color rising to his cheeks and tried to stifle it. He wasn't blushing because of the insult. Not even because of the rude comment.

He was blushing because talking about jacking off with the person he jacked off (god, what a terrible way of putting it) _to_…was understandably uncomfortable.

He hadn't meant to do it. Honestly, he hadn't. It was a recent development that frightened and exhilarated him all at once. But Hikaru could never, never know about it.

Only one option. Change the topic.

"Did you hear anything about a foreign pro showing up at the pro exam? Or a pro's kid or something?"

Shindou took the bait.

"No, nothing. I'm just as confused as you are."

"Well, try to focus on your upcoming match. Kurata-san isn't going to want to lose to you again. He wants the Kisei title more than anyone."

"He can want it all he likes but if anyone's taking it from Ogata, it's going to be me."

He meet Akira's eyes and there was an unspoken message of strength passed between them.

This needed no translation.

This was understood perfectly.

_Don't lose._

_You either._

_I won't. _


End file.
